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29 September
Today I:
- Got up super-early to be brought to work (a story in itself! You try keeping cool as your husband ponders which way to turn out of the driveway and then does what can only be described as “crooning” to Xtina Aguilera—glad I was only in the car one way!) just to sit here straining my eyes because no-one enabled the lights up here.
- No. of times head CRAWLED=5 billion gazillion
- No. of minutes after 7am I waited to have coffee SO I WOULDN’T LOOK DESPERATE=18
- Was surprised to learn that there is a SALT LAKE in SALT LAKE City. I hadn’t thought there was. No, really. I love Utah.
- The color guy wore CUT OFF JEANS! And, obviously, a blue T-shirt. The day is blue. His sandals, however, *may* have been brown…
Rosh Hashana recap:
- Was held at our house against my will.
- Tidied up the house well.
- Michael's father was an hour late because he went to the synagogue.
- Michael's mother took a phone call just as Michael opened his mouth to do the blessings.
- Michael didn't know how to do the blessings.
- Too much food.
- Food came out at different times.
- Threw out all the leftovers 5 nights later.
28 September
Today I:
- Reveled in stories of the mad cow.
- No. of times head CRAWLED=14 billion gazillion
- Loved this:
(not my toes)
(MY toes are now 262 yay!) credit where credit is due
25 September
Today I:
- Photoshopped my hair over my nana’s hair.
- Number of people stopped in their tracks by my “Go AWAY” paper coffee cup=0
- Would like to use HoboStd. How cool is that font name?
- Number of people who asked about my “Go AWAY” paper coffee cup=1
- One of the best things about Martin being away is missing the bin and not having to pick up straight away.
- Cannot get away from the run over by a reversing truck feeling.
- I should quantify how much of the month I spend feeling as if I have been run over by a truck.
- Run over by a reversing truck rating=7
- SMS of the day:
“We’re working on it”
24 September
Today I:
- Know that somewhere somebody called Diana McCullogh is celebrating her birthday.
- Am well fucked off.
- Watched Neighbours! SCORE!
- With—by chance—the hot vet from McLeod’s daughters on! SCORE!
- Thought Karl, Pam and the Blond were in a polygamous marriage! SCORE SCORE SCORE!!!
23 September
Today I:
- Need to get Michael a medal for being my husband for nearly 9 years and still searching for my car keys in the middle of the night so he can turn off the inner light in my car that "shaili must have played with", forgetting so well that I had told him that when I got home with Shaili she was asleep in said car.
- Rode up a delayed-reaction lift.
- Am wondering if I am being a teenager for being bugged that someone who has become increasingly irritating is making exclusive play-dates with people I have gotten closer to.
- Too much Indian music can get on your tits. Is it Ms Sultana’s mosquito impression, or is this just me being irritated because of the play-dates thing?
- Am still trying to figure out why the playdates thing bothers me. Do I demand exclusive friendships?
- Spoke to 3 people about the playdate situation and feel better because the way I told it led them to reassure me that the OTHER MOTHER is the childish one. SCORE ME!
- Broke free for lunch. Ate a giraffe for lunch.
- Opened the Gospel according to Matthew and read about walking on water.
- Realised that The Roman Catholic Church will always be like a parent to me, and like it. I am so Prodigal.
- Designed the graphics for a “we’re outta here!” party:
22 September
Today I:
- Ain’t clicking for any more too hot! Are you insane?
- Am getting my iron from mishmishes.
- Got the deluge, oh boy.
- Am not sleeping properly. Once woken, unable to reconnect with the sandman.
- She’s the best singer, but sometimes Parween Sultana sounds like a mosquito. Is that big in India then?
- Witness the conversion of Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley investment banks to traditional bank holding companies, which is a watershed moment for Wall Street, effectively marking the end of the New York investment bank, and yet do not know what that means. Like, at ALL.
- Thanks to this realized why I missed the Olympics last time round! Of course, isn’t it? They are every 4 years! What was I doing 4 years ago??
- Am thinking that this sleeplessness is kinda unusual for me.
- Fleetingly felt the love again. Bubble burst due to lack of digging it.
- Think I am signed up to a creative writing group. Some people just won’t take no for an answer.
- Thought Shaili left her lifted flower ball in the bead shop, went back to the bead shop to look for it, couldn’t find it, checked my handbag, saw it, felt SO BLOND.
- Watched Bruce constipate himself off Survivor 12 Panama.
21 September
Today I:
- Swear I hardly slept all night.
- Am waiting for a deluge and can’t be bothered to go to Pilates. Anyway, I am waiting for a deluge.
- Am aware that on 1st November my invisible force shield will no longer work here. That is one month after my visible force shield stops working here. Who is left?
- Found 3 people who loved my out of office reply.
- In the fallout of an episode that shall from here on out be referred to as "Michael, who is not a hairdresser, attempts to be a hairdresser", took amit to a REAL hairdresser who had to perform CORRECTIVE HAIRDRESSING.
- Laughed heartedly at Piers Morgan kissing the cowboy. I love that Trump gets it and Trace does not.
- It really doesn’t look so bad:
17 September
Today I:
- Got up late.
- Totally forgot it was Wednesday.
- Kept thinking Carolyn and Kathryn are arriving THIS weekend.
- Procrastinated.
- Got the inbox down to the 25 email golden mean.
- Had a lovely half hour conversation with an old friend.
- Got a BIG rosh hashana present. And cake and an apple. And the ugliest desk calendar in the WORLD.
- Must. Stop. Eating. Like. There’s. No. Tomorrow. There is a tomorrow!
- Was un-invited from an iPhone meeting. That’s fine. I didn’t want to go to your stupid meeting anyway.
- Listened to Indian music. Pankot palace, I am coming! Pankot is NOT on the way to Dehli.
- Loved Loved Loved this.
- Laughed A LOT over lunch at the image of Steven calling his niece to come look after him when he’s old in bed (“and bring a few friends—especially maya and eden…”)
16 September
Today I:
15 September
Today I:
- Have an itchy ear.
- Discovered the reason behind the annoying beep on 93.6.
- am listening to Qoran FM. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Aq—BAH! Mohammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-ED!
- Got unshakably chilled shoulders when someone touched me with icy icy hands. Bitch.
- I saw the flashes.
- I saw the whole of the moon.
- Think it is positively sinful that Hallmark is not on VOD.
- Had a wet child climb out of the bath and onto my back.
14 September
Today I:
- Was the first to wish myself happy birthday. Waking up in my own head gave me the competitive edge.
- Snapshot Pilates: Thought “don’t be looking at me and cracking your toes while I am pumping weights”.
- Was actually surprised by the number of people who were surprised that the birds of paradise flower has the same name in english.
- Birthday statistics:
No. of bunches of flowers received=2
No. of phone calls received=10
No. of phone calls received from life partner=0
No. of cakes received complete with sparklers and “you’re-#1-candles”=2
No. of messages on my wall=9
No. of reservations at sushi restaurant=2 (8.15 and 8.30, we arrived 8.45)
No. of sushi pieces left over at end of the night=18 and 2 half-eaten cones.
No. of my own children who had to be continuously reminded to wish me happy birthday=2
No. of children who argued and hit each other over blessing me for my birthday=3 - Even as my lips hugged that jammy biscuit did I think: “I don’t want to be eating this”.
- Must try and say sabbaba more.
11 September
Today I:
- Heard 2nd hand I am expected to work on Friday.
- Decided there is nothing on God’s sweet earth that would encourage me to work Friday. Its bad enough I have to work Sunday!
- Was initially delighted that physicists in France and Switzerland did not suck the world into a black hole yesterday, but on rethought, there are a few people I could very well lose to that hole. What’s my limit?
- Hate people conducting entire conversations on speaker phone in open space.
- Felt love for my husband in the envelope of appreciation that he knows more about the alternative afternoon activates than I do. Sending him to the information meeting was so the right thing to do.
- Thought Daisy Garnet of Vogue writes very well.
- Was informed that the color guy went lavender with black shoes. Security!
- Really resisted the urge to tell everyone to keep the fucking volume down.
- Did not take a bagel. Did not take a bagel. Did not take a bagel.
- Wished everyone would shut the fuck up.
- Realised I have not taken my anti-depressant calming pills today.
- Appreciated the skull and crossbones t-shirt of the lift glass cleaner.
- Really really might kill somebody.
- Need a truck to reverse up to my mouth and pour chocolate into it.
- Reflected that the only thing I forgot to do today was to bring my axe in to work.
10 September
Today I:
- Ate ice cream
- Felt like the most popular mother in the gan after 3 mothers decided to switch to the alternative afternoon activities just because I already took the decision. I am so cool.
9 September
Today I:
- Question why a groom would wear grey to his wedding.
- Answer: No. taste.
- Have a huge zit erupting on my forehead and no control over the fact.
- Had my moments in the ministry of silly walks. Not as good as that time past the futon shop on Ben Yehuda of course. Nothing tops that. But I did make Meri merry.
- Have to admit, it does look as if Wentworth Miller is gay.
- Replied to an email 1 week and 1 hour later, starting with the statement “I disagree.”
- What I object to about Miller’s gayness is to being told about it with a cheeky grin by way of a good morning, how are you today? By my
cell cubemate. - Looked up the word “incandescent”.
- Had my you’ve-been-fired-have-some-flip-flops stolen off the beach.
8 September
Today I:
- Am so D.I.S.C.O. that I listen to Sonny! full blast at 6am. Well, 6.23-6.30 because I left a bit late, you know how it is.
- Am Positively Fourth Street just an hour and 20 minutes later.
- OH G-D, she is back.
- Got into an argument blowing my anti-depressant calming pills out of the system.
7 September
Today I:
- Liked the alias “Balloon knot”.
- Found my own filing system is above my comprehension.
- Bounced down the stairs smiling at the hot guy while my boobs rebounced everywhere. Not a good look.
- Will be able to put the sheets back onto the bed.
- Virtuously ate a home-cooked lunch and took a walk around the block.
- Put my cheek on a pee-soaked butt-cheek and only remembered about it 14 hours later.
- Redid the crocs look and was commended on it. Cool!
4 September
Today I:
- Found the car radio tuned to Quran-FM. Still, I didn’t switch and apart from the interference, it was quite beautiful.
- Got another email suggesting I take a driving course. FOR THE LAST TIME PEOPLE, I DO NOT WANT TO BE TOLD TO SLOW DOWN!!!!
3 September
Today I:
- Potentially compromised my fashion name with crocs because of having persistent sore feet balls because of the striding pizza delivery boy. I will not ever not tip a pizza boy again. Libertine striding included.
- Am no longer worried about my inadequacy of being a mother. I feel quite adequate. And better than that no good absent father.
- Was irritated by well-meaners who take a problem of yours and create a whole action list out of it. A problem shared is supposed to be halved, not multiplied into involving the city mayor and the press!
- Missed majestic oak trees.
- Identified new facets of THE EXPERIMENT: remove color printing, temporarily stop my NetPass from working so’s that I cannot sign up for events that you just KNOW are # of participants-limited.
2 September
Today I:
- Deliberately did not tip the pizza delivery boy because of the way he took the liberty of striding into my house with my own pizza!
- Immediately afterwards, suffered a dangerous fall on the marble stairs. I will not ever not tip a pizza boy again. Libertine striding included.
1st September
Today I:
- Lifted a huge hunk of bread from the dining room and ate it in a fashion that any self-respecting mouse would be jealous of
- Worried about my inadequacy of being a mother,
- Checked email for results.
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