i eat too much

So I’ve been thinking about pedophiles. I think I can understand where they’re coming from. (If this alone is enough to inspire you into hate mail, please do leave a ranting comment).

I imagine it must work like this: They get an urge. Probably when they’re out at the park and see a little child playing or something. Then their brain gets to thinking. I want me some of that. Their brain doesn’t stop sending these thoughts. They can’t get them out of their head. The thoughts become all-consuming. Must. Have. A child’s ass. The thoughts and physical urge flood their veins and pervade every atom in their body. Maybe they try to control it by trying to focus themselves on something else. Ah but look at the ducks! Lovely ducks! Not as lovely as that 6 year old over there though. Doomed to failure, they can’t control it. It’s agony until they get what they want. Maybe they get it that day. Maybe they don’t. But they are overcome by the WANT to have it.

I know this because I feel the same way about food. Internet, I confess that My name’s zebra, and I’m an addict.

I like food. Not just any food. Don’t want none of that healthy salad shit. Legumes, be gone! Don’t be waving that lettuce leaf at me. I need some crap, and I want it now. I have to physically restrain myself from going and getting something crap to eat. To prevent myself from gorging between meals (the gorging becomes the meal). It might be crisps, it might be a marmite sandwich. It might be chocolate or biscuits. Or wine gums. Or mini eggs. Or a croissant. Or bread. Once I fix on something, its very hard to forget it. It taunts me. It calls to me.

I can totally identify with the pedophile. I suppose it’s the same for serial killers, druggies, and alcoholics. If they feel the way I do when I know I’ve got a packet of m&m peanuts stashed in the cupboard, the longing teeming through their veins, the way the thoughts of a sweet reward pervade every thought I have, making it impossible to concentrate, well…I’m get that. I do.

I am not a pedophile, a serial killer, or an alcoholic. But I get addiction.