they take your friends away, its THE EXPERIMENT.

A few of my loyal readers who prefer to TALK about the blog rather than to leave comments (leave comments! leave comments!) told me it is high time I stop alluding to THE EXPERIMENT and damn well explain it. These people are actually IN the experiment, and I still have to explain it to them when they complain about the dining room mixing lettuce leaves and baby leaves. Baby leaves are a disgusting bunch of stalks with a limited amount of leafery that are placed into a salad to "jazz it up". Well, people, I say no! And, Yeuch!. No. More. Jazzing. The person who invented the trend of mixing baby leaves in with salad should be taken out and shot right now. But they let me smile wistfully at my work buddies and say "All part of THE EXPERIMENT".

Anyone working in a huge corporation will know THE EXPERIMENT. Most people ignore it because the corporation pays them and gives them nice benefits such as bringing in a cake sale every Thursday afternoon. And the people, they need job security. And cakes. Its just easier to ignore what's going on behind the scenes. In return for your blood and sweat, the corporation purports to run as a huge multi-national business. But it's all fake I tell you! The bosses are actors. Their bosses are men with white coats. And they play out THE EXPERIMENT on the people they employ. People like you. And me of course. It's very The Matrix.

And that is why anything that happens to you in there, anything straight out of Dilbert, anything Kafkaesque, anything that will challenge your comfort zone...that's the men in the white coats testing you. They're looking for how you react. They're looking for who can take it, and who can't.

You work in a cube. THE EXPERIMENT.
You share that cube. THE EXPERIMENT.
Camera pans out...you're working in a huge cube farm. THE EXPERIMENT.
Floor upon floor of cube farms. THE EXPERIMENT.
Baby leaves in your salad. THE EXPERIMENT.
Boss calls you in for spending 4 times the average of your peers on the phone, average being 5 shekels. THE EXPERIMENT.
You can't use your employee card to get food out of the vending machines today? THE EXPERIMENT.
Word wrecks your DTP? THE EXPERIMENT.
Cilantro in an innocent-looking salad? THE EXPERIMENT AGAIN.
Boss tells you to work through the weekend? IT'S ALL PART OF THE EXPERIMENT!

Me, I am one of the masses of employees who needs the job security to look after my family. And I have to admit, the cakes are nice. But every day, every day without fail, I find little facets of the experiment. Things that I cannot ignore. Things that tell me its all a big sham. Things like if you press the button of the 'smart' lift 17 times, you can get it to change which lift it'll send you. Why 17 times? THE EXPERIMENT.

Today THE EXPERIMENT took one of the main things that kept me going: the cute guy on the fourth floor.

Damn, I'm going to miss him. But I won't let the experiment get the better of me.

I'm not sure what the prize is, but it probably involves ice cream and a gold watch.

inbox, last week

as far as I know, he's still hiding there.

Just. Say. No. originated from Nancy Regan!

And I thought it was Grange Hill. You learn something new everyday.



credit

i'm eating. i've got a cake/flower pot on my head. i'm cool.

life is great!

This morning Michael was in the shower and I came in to ask if I looked ok. He said isn’t life good? My business dreams are on the road and what’s more we have a professional blogger in the house. I didn’t even know he could conjugate the verb “to blog”.

Do you think he’s having an affair?

november afternoon, tel aviv

so, I was hanging out with my sister...

I was driving through Tel Aviv on my way to The World’s Most Expensive ParkingTM and I saw the Tel Aviv Opera building on Shaul HaMelech. Its such a beautiful building and I haven't driven past or even visited it for such a long time. I remembered when I first came to Israel and how foreign it looked. I remember the first time I saw it which was at night and it must have been before I moved here because we dropped by to see Esti who worked at the Apropo there at that time.

Turn left and you pass Asia House. We had a friend's husband who worked there as a prestigious lawyer. Once I went to meet him there because he was paying me to be a companion to my friend who was recovering a head injury she suffered in a car accident. As he walked me to the cashpoint and we were discussing his wife's condition, my eye was caught by a baby lizard that had somehow fallen into my friend's husband's path. I watched as the lizard ran and squiggled along just slightly ahead of our trajectory. I can't remember what my friend's husband said because I was transfixed watching the lizard running and squiggling until all of a sudden came the inevitable *SQUISH!*

...

As my friend's husband withdrew my salary, I looked back at that sorryass baby lizard footkill whose killer wasn't even aware of his actions.

a little green spot on a ball

Its been long known to me that my husband is notoriously bad at geography and I will often throw him random trivia questions such as "What continent is Cameroon in?" and "What color are the people who live in the Ivory Coast?" just to get him confused. But I didn't realise that the phenomena was spreading.

Yesterday, over at friends, Shaili gave the mother their inflatable globe and asked her to find Israel for her. As the seconds yawned into a minute, for a moment there I really thought she might not find it. Israel... Israel... Eventually she found it, a small green speck at the eastern edge of the Mediterranean sea where we left it. I don't know what was scarier, that, or the fact that when Shaili asked her to find it, she said "Can you find the land of...", physically went away and thought about it for a minute, came back and triumphantly said "Israel!". Ach! but its easy to forget where you live when you're 4.

Afterwards, Shaili explained to me that we live between the sea and the makolet*. She gets that from me.




*makolet=corner shop

flying elephants

I love this image taken by Gregory Colbert.
Everyone talks about swimming with dolphins, but I think swimming with elephants would be way cooler.
Link: http://www.ashesandsnow.org/

Top Ten you know you're the parent of small children when...

1. You are driving alone and yet fight the urge to shout "TRACTOR!" when you pass one.
2. Ditto for trains and planes.
3. The pitter patter of tiny feet is typically accompanied by the noise of something being dragged
4. You know for a fact that wax crayon cannot be washed off walls and re-painting is your only option.
5. You fear the moments when they are in the other room and QUIET.
6. You play give us a clue and your submissions include Mickey Mouse and Dora the Explorer
7. Dora the Explorer music is your ring tone (and you love it)

8. You are woken up by a small finger in your nose.

9. You are late to work because you want to know whether the wonder pets will be ok
10. Your handbag is filled with McKids meal toys, hair ties and half eaten/half spilled packets of crisps.

Costa Rican goats go backwards

20 November
Today I:

• Soundtrack to get to work: KT Tunstall so loud that when I get into the car after work, I scare the bejesus out of the parking lot.
• No. of minutes after 7am I waited to have coffee SO I WOULDN’T LOOK DESPERATE=32
• Operation submitted as a batch job. Check email for results.
• Checked email for results.
• They take kosher seriously here. We have two separate dining rooms, one for meat and one for milk. In the past, we received email WITH PHOTOGRAPHS demonstrating how to use the red meaty squared trays on the square tables and the rounded orange dairy trays on the round tables. This is a subtle yet cunning way of making sure that a person eating a dairy lunch does not sit at the same table as somebody eating a meaty lunch. If you’re eating a chicken breast, not only can you not sit on the same table as someone sinking their teeth into a cheese sandwich, but your table can’t even be next to them. Because if that happens, the child cow steak would be insulted at being present in the same airspace as its mother’s milk in the béchamel sauce of a vegetable lasagna. And the lunching Jews in question would surely burn in hell at a temperature so high that no Hollywood special effects team could ever possibly capture it. Both dining rooms have outside areas which are close to but cordoned off from one another. Because a seat belt strip can totally save the situation.
  And then, today.Today when I look, today everything is jumbled up! And you know, I wouldn't give two hoots if you came at me waving a sirloin near my ice cream, but I guess I am anal retentive enough to let the disharmony of the situation get to me!
  Just look!
  
  And just to be clear, I’d rather not risk burning in hell at 3000°C.
• Operation submitted as a batch job. Check email for results.
• Checked email for results.
• Feel like listening to George Michael. You gotta have faith a faith a faith.
• Played to death: Wham! Last Christmas.
• No. of times put off going to the toilet until bladder was fit to burst: 3
• No. of times huband used gay voice to parody interviewees for his secretry position, army commanders and others: too many to count!
  

somewhere, between the grey padded walls of the fifth floor...

-Martin, I have something to confess.

-What is it?

-This morning before you got here, I had bad coffee breath so I went into your drawer and took one of your professional mints.

-That’s ok, they’re there for the taking. No need to confess.

-Are you sure? I mean, you are missing an opportunity for cube domination here.

-What do you mean?

-I mean, you could say “That’s really not OK” and use the opportunity to exert power over me.

-Why would I do that?

-For your own personal enjoyment.

-I wouldn’t enjoy that.

Explaining polygamy to people who don't watch big love

“88.2% of statistics are made up on the spot” -Vic Reeves

This morning, I had a bowl of Fruit ‘n Fibre. I stole the box from my husband. But he shouldn't notice until at least Saturday, so it's fair game.

Once, a long time ago, before he broke Tiff’nay’s heart, Grant Mitchell of Eastenders did an advert for Fruit ‘n Fibre.

credit

I can’t eat fruit and fibre without thinking of Grant. Or, for that matter, of Tiff’nay lying in the street outside the pub on New Years Eve.

Anyway, in the course of finding photographic evidence of Grant eating Fruit ‘n Fibre, I found this wonderful site: http://www.tvwhirl.co.uk/advertsdg.html
And it got me thinking, what are the top 10 adverts of my youth?

10 Great ads that I had forgotten!
1. Pepperami: It’s a bit of an animal (Pepperami)
2. P.P.P.Pick up a Penguin. (Penguin)
3. If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club! (Club)
4. Big Bad Dom (Domestos)
5. ACCRINGTON STANLEY? WHO ARE THEY? (Milk)
6. How do you do it? (Cadbury’s Crème Egg)
7. Oh no... an iceberg! What will we do? (Extra Strong Mints)
8. Fly Fishing by J.R. Hartley (Yellow Pages)
9. Woaaaahhh-ohhh! Vitalite... That's right!! (Vitalite)
10. Things are not quite what they seem (Diamond White)

10 Great ads I hadn’t forgotten:
1. Robin Hood Robin Hood spies the Weetabix (Weetabix)
2. You know when you’ve been tango’d (Tango)
3. Pardon me but I thought I heard you mutter… (Anchor butter)
4. But smart ol’ Blue he took the Milky Way (Milky Way)
5. (striking a match on a bald guy’s head) (Hamlet)
6. Boddingtons: cream of Manchester (Boddingtons)
7. Do you love someone enough to give them your last Rolo? (Rolo)
8. So he got an account called Liquid Gold. (A building society)
9. Two all-meat patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions in a sesame bun (Big Mac)
10. Only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate (Flake)

Gold!

17 November
Today I:
• No. of passwords entered in the course of my day: 6
• Wrote Pint Test in cell E2 of an excel chart
• You can exit a cube corridor and fall in stride with someone you don’t know when suddenly a tennis ball pops out of his back pocket.

No no no, that's the elephant again

Today I:

• Was told I should be taking drugs. Or asked why I was not taking drugs. It was a bit ambiguous.
  
• Said "pass"with a northern British accent without anyone noticing.
  
• Laughed and laughed about how Pats will identify THE ONE.
  
• Identified multiple new facets of THE EXPERIMENT:
  1. Tell me to report missing time, tell me my password has expired, do not register the new passwords BIGTITS1 or 23FATBOYSREADYTOPARTY.
  2. Deny me access to the QA and support lab.
  3. Close the gates to the parking and have me wait for them to open e-v-e-r-s-o-s-l-o-w-l-y to enter or exit the parking lot.
• Loved you: because you figured out how to use the branch you had to retrieve the stick your friend threw into the fountain, and you didn't get wet.
• Loved you II: because I caught you in my wing mirror hanging out of the back window smelling the wind with happy abandon like a dog
  
• Delicious: special edition pink! M&M peanuts (may have been out of date)(didn't matter)
  

FW: New less than 2" length EVDO USB modem with GPS & microSD

YES!

I ♥ TimTam

-We have to leave the beach at 2.30 because we are going to a birthday party. TimTam's gonna be there.

-Ooooh, I LOVE TimTam.

-So do I. He's so good and also he is hot.

-Ooooh, yes yes he is he totally is hot.

...


-Look at where we've got to when the only men we meet and think are hot are children's birthday clowns.

I'll have !anything but! the fish cakes, please

Israel is good for many things. Israelis are good at many jobs. But waitering: Nop.

-Can I tell you what the specials are today?
-Yes please.
-There's Fishcakes, there's--
-What do you mean "Fishcakes"?
-Fish that are like, er, well, cakes.
-What kind of fish? How are they served?
-ER...(looks at notepad)...I'll have to check...

petty theiving starts early

These objects entered our house and were not bought, given, found in a McDonalds meal, sent by post, left by another child, brought by safta, created on the premises, or any other means other than blatant thievery:



car
port of origin: yael's gan*
entry into the house: May 2008

cat
port of origin: merav's gan
entry into the house: September 2008

bunny
port of origin: shir's house
entry into the house: October 2008

absent from picture: spiderman
reason for absence: knowledge mummy wants to return to origin prompted concealing of hot goods

* gan = kindergarten

sublime pleasure is...

• bunking off
• having a leisurely morning coffee and a cheese stick with a friend
• finding a packet of salt and vinegar crisps in your bedroom
• having 2 rows of cadbury's dairy milk for desert
• having someone photoshop you into an engineering memory
• having 3 rows of cadbury's dairy milk for goodnight munchies
  

goodbye tzabar

Tzabar voted off the Ach HaGadol last night in what was a shocking poll.

The coalition will now fall apart and Yossi Boublis will win the money.

Its a fucking disaster!

why i love google

where else will you be offered a recipe for a spam breakfast burrito?

Shalom, Haver

10 November
Today I:

• Noticed that it’s Rabin’s Memorial Day. Rabin was a dude that was assassinated at a peace rally in 1995. He was Prime Minister of Israel at the time. Rewind to 1995, and it’s a year after Oslo and all is going well for the man. Well, as well as it can for a politician in Israel where at any given time most of the country is complaining about you. He came off stage and was shot 3 times by Yigal Amir, a religious fanatic who wasn’t even an arab. He was severely punished by being sent to prison and getting married to a starstuck dossit* and having children through conjugal visits. Itzak Rabin is remembered every year by a concert for Peace and by memorial candles all over the place. Its so very cool to remember Itzak as a symbol for the peace process, so much so that a national memorial day was set up in his honour. He is an idol for secular Israelis who want to be in. Half the people worship him. Half the people hated him and support Amir. And half don’t give a shit, but we don’t count them anyway as they are arabs.
  
  A couple of weeks ago when we were in the desert, we were forced by proximity and volume to be silent witnesses to a conversation between a few 20 year old Americans and Australians. It went something like this:
  American #1: You know that Steve Irwin? Is he like Australian or from New Zealand or South Africa or something?
  Australian #1: (measured) Australian.
  American #1: Are you like really sad that he died?
  Australian #1: He’s like dead, and I get that. I think it’s a shame. But I don’t think he was more special than other dead people so I don’t think he should be elevated into some kind of huge symbol and worshipped and stuff.
  
  She then went on to say many derogatory things about Steve Irwin’s wife, which I don’t think was called for, and I don't agree with her at all. Steve Irwin was a legend and is up there with Kurt Cobain and Freddy Mercury and he should totally have whitewashed roadside shrines surrounded in bright flowers and statues. But in the context of Rabin, I do like totally get what she was saying.

* dossit: slang for a religious woman

Baked potato faux pas

Today I:

• made the fatal error of wrapping my potatoes in tin foil. The skill of being able to bake a perfect potato is learnt at university but is obviously not akin to riding a bicycle.
  

Like a rolling stone

credit

Dog castration. Yes or no?

...Twinsetandpearls said no, but had been through a 'sticky patch' with her springer spaniel: "He loved dd's toy horse which was about his size and if pressure was applied in the correct place it would neigh, which I think the dog took as a compliment."

credit

You wouldn't steal a car

I've always found this a bit presumptious.

And that is why I added 7 new dvds to my collection.
Lets face it, I was cut out of my mother's will already.

credit

elvis was a cajun

4 November

Today I:

• If only Israel would take Purim costumes as seriously: http://mightygoods.com/features/halloween-costume-guide
• Snapshot Pilates: Albert’s face shmushed onto his OVERBALL having a rest from swimming.
• Identified facet of THE EXPERIMENT: do not peel the onions before adding them to the lasagna.
• Good to be mummy: "Mummy, I'm frightened of marshmallows" (boy hasn't even SEEN ghostbusters! But I've evidentally I've watched enough times in my life to build up such a repository that Stay Puft's image passed down the umbilical cord 4 years ago and imprinted firmly on his mind)
• Bad to be mummy: the amount of sand that can come out of a shoe at the end of the day!!
  

Status of my front lawn: busy

Sabich by Aroma

4 November

Today I:

• Searched for the terms five levels and wall socket in my PDF
• Found Shifra’s blog. I could so hang out with Shifra.
• Remembered remembered the fifth of November for gunpowder, treason, and plot
• Hey! That rhyme could be used by rastas by removing the last “l”
• Found out that Lou Reed, who is staying at the Dan, is a user of my company’s product. If Lou Reed purchased anything in the last 2 years, Lou Reed has been reading my stuff. LOU REED IS FAMILIAR WITH MY WORK!!! I will probably inspire a song.
• Must think Fashion First. Although, in MY corporate battlefield, there are slim pickins.
• Overheard Hapless Argentinian who has the worst English ever laugh at somebody argentinian’s English. Rich.
• If you’re going to have breakfast with Lou Reed in the morning, you better know more than “Walk on the Wild Side”. EVEN I know about sweet jane and the velvet underground.
• If you google Tzabar Gadish, you get a lot of gay sites. It’s going to be Wentworth Miller all over again.
• It better not be Wentworth Miller all over again.

While a little person lies sick and groaning, barbie mermaidia and sleeping beauty take the opportunity to let loose a little

C is for...

...Fox!

Israel 60, Me 10

Top Ten things you get used to. Surprisingly quickly:

10. Having your car/bag checked at every canyon, coffee shop, shop you enter

9. The fact that you live in a warzone.

8. Wearing long trousers all year round.

7. Palm trees on central reservations

6. Living near the beach.

5. Abundance of coffee shops.

4. The crazy driving

3. Casual dress at work

2. Thinking in shekels

1. Tea without milk

Top Ten things you never quite get used to:

10. Men who think underwear is appropriate beach attire.

9. Jeans at weddings.

8. Tipping as a matter of course

7. Gazith’s clown shoes that never go out of fashion. Like, EVER.

6. Camel toes.

5. Your mother in law cleaning your house and putting your things where she thinks you should have them. No, really.

4. Sufganiot*. They are just…not right. Roll with the donuts, people!

3. A good night out starting at 1am that you’ve prepared for by going to sleep first.

2. People who stop their car in flowing traffic and just wait there (to get out money, buy a box of cigarettes, get a falaffal) REGARDLESS THAT THEY ARE BLOCKING A LANE AND PISSING EVERYONE THE HELL OFF.

1. The use of the term “Immaleh!”*

Top ten foods:

10. Sabich*

9. Shnitzel* (Café Noir)

8. Falafal*

7. Beigels

6. Hallah*

5. Laffa*

4. Crembo*

3. Schwarma*

2. Latkes*

1. Shakshuka*

Top ten things that got here after me:

10. The tallest tower in Ramat Gan. I used to watch it go up a floor at a time on the bus on the way to Ulpan. The summit of the tower was when Yoav took Sharon there on his date. Zzzz zzzz zzzz we know, we’ve heard this one so many times.

9. The coffee bean. G-d knows what we did before!

8. The glilot bridge.

7. Most of Herzilya Pituach

6. Cinema City

5. Kvish 6

4. That ghastly bridge at the mouth of Jerusalem

3. Arena Mall

2. Sea and Sun

1. Most of Tel Aviv’s high-rises

Top ten things that left before me:

10. Dunkin Donuts

9. Starbucks

8. Availability of Pilsbury cookie dough.

7. Gush Katif

6. Arafat

5. Next

4. Marks and Spencers

3. HaMashbir

2. Bar Raphaely

1. Couldn't you tell I was struggling at "hamashbir"??

Top ten TV shows watched while here:

10. Melrose Place

9. Khi Oti Sharon

8. LeHayay LeAhava

7. HaAlufa

6. Telenovella Bam

5. Prison Break

4. Super Nenny

3. Fear Factor

2. Air Crash Investigation and Seconds from Disaster

1. America’s Next Top Model

Top ten best words and phrases:

10. Malafufon*

9. Be Tachat Sheli*

8. Leave me in your mother (in your mother! for short)

7. On the face

6. Coss Imma Ars*

5. Yesh Li Jaanana BeRosh*

4. Yalla*. And Yalla BeKef*.

3. Yo aradi*

2. Sababa*

1. Afuch Gadol Ble Ketsef*

Top ten Israeliisms:

10. I’ve got to watch the news. On every channel. Until they stop talking about it.

9. I do not want to be a fryer*. Therefore I make you the fryer.

8. You’re doing that wrong (regarding anything you’re doing to your child)

7. Everyone in France hates us.

6. Everyone in Britain hates us.

5. You have the shitest food in England. Have you tried Yorkshire pudding? Have you, have you?

4. I arrive last in the queue but I am the first to alight

3. I was here earlier…I left to do my supermarket shopping but now it is definitely my turn

2. I wear my underpants and play matkot on the beach

1. Shaved heads

Top ten people who left me here, you bastards:

10. + 9. Vanessa and Adam

8. + 7. Sam and Moti

6. + 5. Keren and Eran

4. + 3. Sigalit and Hans

2. + 1. Lorna and Ilan

0. + -1.Maya and Sagi

Top ten life-changing events:

10. Wedding #1.

9. Swiss fatal car accident robbing us of Esti.

8. Conversion to Judaism

7. Getting Mojo.

6. Becoming an Israeli Citizen

5. Wedding #2.

4. Pregnancy.

3. TWINS!

2. Getting rid of Mojo.

1. America’s Next Top Model

Top ten lessons learned:

10. To not eat gefilte fish* or kubeh*

9. To have a cleaner do everything house-related

8. To send your laundry out

7. To use a horn when driving

6. To not stand in line

5. To be assertive

4. To not apologise

3. To complain about service

2. Everything is negotiable

1. Sometimes its fun to scream and use foul language at total strangers

Top ten things I still miss:

10. Salt and vinegar crisps

9. Cadburys

8. The smell of a muddy walk

7. Shopping

6. Majestic oak trees

5. Going for a drink after work

4. Calling each other “mate”

3. Bookshops

2. Reasonably priced magazines

1. Presence of a sophisticated sense of humour

Top ten Eateries:

10. Kyoto

9. Sebastian

8. Ad Haetzem

7. Edna

6. The Sabich man of Givatayim

5. The Brasserie

4. Comme Il Faut

3. Benedict

2. Dr Shakshuka

1. Tal Bagels

Top ten Israeli songs:

10. Gagoiim le hibokim hamim

9. Ten Et Hacavod Le-Tzahal

8. Al tishkach lismoach gam be-helki

7. Yesh li hom gavoa paamiim beshavua yesh li love boy!

6. Tikfotz betoch ha-mayim, tiftach et ha-enayim, ad she ze ichav leacha *kzat*

5. Don Kishot

4. Al tedebri al arik

3. Yachad lev al lev

2. Hallelujah, LeOlam

1. Idan Rykiel stuff

Top ten (famous) Israelis:

10. Yehuda Levi hot

9. Ofer Shechter

8. Yael Bar Zohar for distracting my husband long enough to leave me locked in the car with two sleeping kids and no air-conditioning

7. Ariel Sharon only because he inspired Hay-Hay!

6. Asi Cohen hot

5. Nero Levy

4. Aviv Gefen for following me around Tel aviv shoeless

3. Yehuda Poliker

2. Sharon for moving into my neighbourhood and then giving me “yes yes, it’s ME, SHARON, take ME” looks when I see her at 7am in the makolet and think “damn, you look familiar”

1. Tzabar Gadish

Top ten people who stayed in touch IN NO ORDER!!:

7. Nicola

6. Clare

5. Clare

4. Clara

3. Kathryn

2. Jo

1. Heidrun

Top ten places I love:

10. Hamat Geder

9. Rosh Pina

8. Tsfat

7. Khan Beerotayim

6. Nemal Tel Aviv

5. My apartment

4. Hof HaTzuk (Marcaz)/Mandarin/Hooker Beach

3. Arsuf

2. Edna’s, Jerusalem

1. Tel Aviv

* sufganiot = dough with a jam hole

* Immaleh! = exclamation meaning "My dear mother!"

* sabich = deep fried slices of aubergine

* shnitzel = chicken breast, beaten to within a mm of its life, egged, breaded, and fried

* falafal = fried

* hallah = special bread for shabbat (saturday)

* laffa = a brick of a sandwich, unfinishable, incorporating a huge round pita rolled around schwarma, chopped salads, chips, hummus, tehina and anything else the street vendor can get his hands on

* crembo = think yorkshire tea cakes

* schwarma = think donner kebab

* latkes = think hash brown

* shakshuka = eggs poached in a tomato sauce

* malafufon = cucumber

* be tachat sheli = in my butt

* Coss Imma Ars = something about your mother's pussy

* Yesh li jaanana berosh = I have a cockroach running around my brain (or brain cavity)

* yalla = come on! (arabic)

* yalla bekef = come on! in a nice way

* Yo aradi = exclamation for oh. my. god.

* sababa = cool

* afuch gadol bli ketsef = large milky coffee without foam

* fryer = a person who everyone else takes advantage of

* gefilte fish = cold ball made of fishy bits, usually served with a cold slice of boiled carrot on top

* kubeh = not sure. another ball, usually hot in an identified red sauce

Its been 10 years since I moved to Israel