i swear to you my back is swollen

top 10 thoughts that crossed my mind on the massage table
1. That's my writing hand! Patti was going to kiss that!
2. Bending my leg like that...that's a departure to the norm...
3. What are these monks chanting?
4. Sounds like No Sacrifice by Elton John.
5. IT IS No Sacrifice by Elton John.
6. Monks chanting Elton John. That's just wrong!
7. Did you work for easterneuropeantorturors.com?
8. Do you hate your parents or something?
9. Did you just split up with your boyfriend?
10. Ou...ou...OUCH!

top 10 thoughts that crossed my mind on the massage table that didn't make it into the top 10
1. What's that bowl down there for?
2. Mm...that's nice.
3. I'm going to dribble...
4. ...ohhhhh that's what that bowl's for.
5. Wait, that's less nice.
6. That's unusua...OUCH!
7. Your elbow is in my buttock!
8. That is so going to bruise!
9. I don't think my legs were designed to be bent like that!
10. This manouvre...isn't this what Geena Davis did to put a deer out of its misery in the Long Kiss Goodnight?