pear guitar...interesting

Most people who know me just know that I do not care for a puppy in a field of daisies or propped up on a log. (The exception being my aunt whose love for the sweet puppy eyes or uplifting verses often overrides the will to not click Forward and enter my email address). Nor do I care for the Dalai Lama's Millennium Musings 9 years later. Nor emails that start with "Make sure you scroll all the way down and read what is written". Nor emails promising bad things if not forwarded to 10 people within 5 minutes. Nor emails parodying chain emails or emails that promise you GAP will track you down and give you $25 worth of t-shirts. Nor emails containing outrage over something or the other when a quick check in Snopes will reveal it as a falsehood. I hate emails containing pps files where you can't click through quickly. I especially hate pps's where pps-creator has flexed the tools available to him and has text appearing letter by letter, or coming in from the left corner with a swirl before landing at its place on the slide. No. No. No. And don't even think about setting it to any kind of music. Especially if it's a collection of 2 inch babies made out of marzipan.

I have a bunch of people who like to send me fwds. Most people know to only send me the highest quality kick-ass stuff. But apparantly, some don't. In particular, I have a former colleague who sends me fwds WITHOUT FILTERING THE CONTENT.

This morning I received an email containing 19 (19!) photos of fruit art. I kinda have to wonder about the people who create fruit art and marzipan babies. In fact, anyone who uses food as an art tool rather than just eating it must be pretty weird. Also, HOW MUCH TIME do they have on their hands?! I have so little time that even the thought of chopping a salad gives me conniptions! So I look at this email. The instructions state I must read all the way to the end. Here's a butterfly cut out of an apple. Here's a banana dolphin. Here's the bust of a man swimming butterfly stroke in a watermelon. Here's an egg pram (yolk and white still inside). Here's a loaf of bread fashioned to look like a homeless person's shoe complete with cut off toe section showing bread toes and crusty toenails! Here's a tomato wearing wire glasses talking to some cauliflower sheep. Here is a little man with an orange peel body and the top sixth of an orange-head about to ram it down onto a juicer. Lovely.

At the bottom of the email I am informed that it's International Disturbed People's Day. Damn right I am disturbed about witnessing that little orange man's impending suicide! "I don't care if you lick windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee on yourself…" Which category does my former colleague think I fit into!??!

And at the end, the email tells me:
You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special.

Well, I like that last bit.